Monday, February 22, 2010

What's Going On?

We had an ultrasound today, and Malachi had a measurement in his brain that was abnormal. It is not necessarily a problem; in fact, there is a good chance everything is fine. But it is customary to see a specialist in this situation. So, we are going to a specialist. They will do another ultrasound. Possibly other tests. And we will hopefully find out that the tech made a mistake, or that it doesn't mean anything.

Google says that most babies with this particular abnormality are totally fine. But some have developmental delays. So as far as "issues" go, it could be worse.

But really, I don't care what the chances are, or what Google says. Parents worry over every little thing. Colds, grades, attitudes, girlfriends, etc., etc., etc. So, I guess this is just my first Thing. The first Thing in a string of Things that will hopefully last the rest of my life. Maybe over the years I can learn to be at peace with these things a little at a time.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. They have carried me through this day.


Something beautiful happened today. I needed comfort. I needed friends. And they were there.

And everything was okay. Not forever. But for a while.

Thank you, girls.

Pants and an Ultrasound

Just a quick post to highlight the most exciting part of my day yesterday. Drum roll, please...

My pre-pregnancy pants still fit! In a moment of desperation over an outfit that just wasn't coming together, I decided to try them on. And though I have to rubber band the closure because it clearly isn't going to clasp over my ginormous belly, my most favorite pants fit my hips, legs, and butt. These are the legs, hips, and butt, dear readers, that I was absolutely positive were clearly gaining weight. And...I was wrong. I've still got 14 weeks left--plenty of time to get the massive thighs I worry about. But for now, I am happily still a size 6.

In other news, we are having an ultrasound today to check on the placement of my placenta. Oh, I hope they don't decide it's a girl. Please stay a boy, Malachi. I don't know if my poor heart could handle an in-utero sex change.

Update: He's still a boy!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

26 Weeks

Things are going great. I am about 26 weeks along. My mom gave birth to my sister at 26 weeks, and for some reason that keeps coming to mind the last few days. I can’t believe I’m this far along. For the first time, I think I’m starting to feel like I don’t have very far to go. I’m realizing how much we have to do. Geez Louise.

I am also outgrowing my first round of maternity clothes, which were mostly borrowed to begin with. I am down to two pairs of pants, one of which is totally not work appropriate. I’ve been wearing them anyway. What’s a girl to do? The shirts I’ve still been wearing. But I’m having to pull down on them constantly to keep my belly covered.

My mom says I’m big for 26 weeks. I want a second opinion. 6 weeks ago, I was just starting to show (to the general public, that is). At that point, I hadn’t gained any weight. Now I’ve gained ten pounds.

Swelling continues to be an issue sitting all day at work. It’s good on the weekends, but gets progressively worse throughout the work week until Friday, by which time my right ankle looks like you could stick a needle in and pop it. Nice visual, eh?

Malachi hadn't been as active lately as he was, but a couple of weeks ago, he started moving again. This time, I can see it. Somehow, I can often see it more than I can feel it. Joshua has gotten to feel him moving more frequently which has been fun.

Joshua is a great expectant dad. He’s excited about Malachi, he’s supportive of me in my discomfort. He tells me I look good pregnant. He comes to escort me from the car to house every afternoon when I get home from work so I don’t fall in the ice and snow. He’s gotten a part time job in addition to going to school full time, just to take a little financial pressure off since we are anticipating some extra expenses relating to the baby.

I have always known that he was the Papa Bear in our relationship, protecting and providing for me. But when we are both working and there are no children in the picture, that aspect of his role in our relationship isn't as prominent. Having Malachi changes things. Joshua has assumed that Papa Bear role much more, and it suits him. And when he takes care of me, I know he is thinking of Malachi too. I feel so taken care of.

I love him.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Belly Pics

Some days I feel enormous. I've pretty much been feeling that way for the past two weeks. But this morning I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "I'm really not that big." Maybe its the black shirt.

Wanna know how many belly pics we've taken? Two. Week Nine (I hardly had a belly). And Week...I'm not sure when. The date is probably on the camera somewhere. Joshua keeps saying we need to take them, but its usually on Saturday morning after I just woke up. Good timing. It's been about three weeks since I've really started showing. And about the same amount of time since I started gaining weight. Finally. And evidently, my body has decided to put on the 5-10 pounds that I would typically gain during the first 20 weeks, all in 2 weeks. Thank you, Malachi.

So, after a week or two of pretty significant weight gain and some wicked fat feet, I went to the pharmacy to check my blood pressure today. But not before I worried about it all day at work. At least I met a nice pharmacist who showed some interest in my birth choices. I'll have to go back there to have her check my blood pressure. And a sweet looking lady with a new born who beamed at me. So it was a lovely experience. Particularly since I my blood pressure was normal. Yesssss!

So, in honor of my swiftly growing belly and normal blood pressure, here, at long last, is a belly pic. It's not a very good one. Remind me next time not to wear a brown shirt with a brown background. Live and learn.

Being Pregnant

I am 23 weeks along. My belly is getting big. I can't bend over. I can't see my feet. My feet are swollen. My back hurts. I'm constipated. I'm emotional (what's new). I get out of breath walking up the stairs. I'm starting to waddle.

In spite of all these normal pregnancy woes, I'm doing pretty well. But I haven’t handled it as well as I would like. The biggest challenges for me are back pain and sleep issues. And I know that there are more to come. I do not deal with physical adversity well. Actually, I don’t handle any type of adversity well. It just brings me down. Every ache or pain becomes huge in my mind, a trial I may have to deal with for the rest of this pregnancy. Instead of taking it one day at a time, I think, “How am I ever going to survive the next four months?!?” You’d think, after all the aches and pains that have been temporary (most of them), I would stop being so melodramatic.

And if my bad attitude and complaining weren’t bad enough…then I start beating myself up for not being able to handle it better. I look at my mom, who never complains, and seems to be joyful all the time, no matter what. She loved being pregnant. She's probably forgetting the parts she didn't like. I wish I could handle myself as gracefully.

On the other’s amazing. I love the feeling of carrying this child inside me, knowing that he’s always with me. He’s my little sidekick. I love feeling him move, and daydreaming about life with him, and what he will be like. I absolutely adore seeing Joshua’s excitement about Malachi, and the way he takes care of me. We are already a little family, and Joshua is our protector. I love that during the really uncomfortable days, I know I would go through ten times more if it meant having Malachi at the end of it. And throughout those moments, I have a deep awareness that every discomfort and inconvenience, every ache and pain, every emotional train wreck, is for him. They are sacrifices for my little love.

The kindnesses that people offer me because of my "condition" don't hurt either. I can't say I mind taking the comfy chair, or the massages, or being propelled to the front of the line. Not yet anyway. And I love the smiles that I get around town when people see my belly.

So, when I'm asked if I like being pregnant, I'm not sure how to answer. Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. But I always love that I am pregnant.