Thank you so much to those who have responded to Malachi's birth story with comments and personal notes. It feels good to share something that resonates with people. It was good for me to write it too. It is healing to share my birth experience with others. And I love that it has resulted in others sharing their birth experience with me.
A few days ago I watched a friend's homebirth video and cried. It was beautiful. Just what I wanted. It's hard to be reminded of what I didn't have.
I wanted a homebirth, but instead of a homebirth I got--not a natural hospital birth, or even a vaginal birth plus interventions--but a freaking Caesarean. It couldn't have been further from what I had hoped to experience. At least I got the kid out of it. And as long as we're talking about the perqs, I did love his perfectly round head and unsquishy face.
I'm so glad that I labored at home the way I did. At least I got to experience that. It was so beautiful. The entire experience for me (until the end) was everything I thought it would be: hard, exciting, exhausting, exhilerating.